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I’ve got Bad News and Really Bad News!

Which would you like to hear first?

Okay, let’s start with the Bad News.

The Bad News is that people hate companies. That’s why they hate the government.

They hate faceless, soulless organizations that seem to have the power to find you wherever you hide.

If you go to your mailbox, they find you there. If you run to the sanctuary of your home, they deputize telemarketers to hunt you down and annoy you. Even cell phones are no longer immune.

These powerful, faceless, soulless, organizations…

Sometimes they send your aunt’s confidential mail… TO YOUR HOUSE!!

“How did they know she was my aunt? She’s been happily married for decades. Complete with a different last name. What ungodly database connected her to me?”

That’s what people are thinking when you send them your mailers, when you call them, when you reach out to them with your alleged “marketing” efforts.

So to recap, the bad news is that people hate companies.

The Really Bad News is that if you’re like most companies (and chances are good that you are), then people hate you as well!

So how can we get people to stop hating you and get around to liking you so that you can contribute to their lives, sell them some stuff, and make a bunch of money?

Today I’ll share 3 rules for businesses who want to people to like them.

1. Speak “human” and not corporate.
2. Advertise humans and acknowledge human needs.
3. Act human when they come to you.

1. Speak human and not corporate.

In a perfect world, business marketing would be “communication of the humans, by the humans, for the humans”. Unfortunately, much of it is not.

A long time ago, business owners learned the shocking truth from their CPAs that the I.R.S. considers their businesses “an entity”.

In the bedlam that ensued, many businesses stopped acting like people and started acting like an “entity” – a painfully boring hybrid between a “person” and a doorknob.

Be different. Speak human.

Last thanksgiving, I received an email from Southwest Airlines. At the top of the email, it had the following caption, “Only Turkeys Charge For Bags”!

Why don’t other companies talk like that?

Every direct marketing expert worth his salt will tell you that when you approach the humans in a market, you should “join the conversation in their head”.

This means you should think about their biggest pet peeves as it relates to your product, service, company and industry. But don’t just end there.

You should then somehow acknowledge this pet peeve, and then side with them in the fight.

You see, human customers are tyrannical like that. They hate companies who refuse to take their side. As a matter of fact they punish them. Oh, and they keep long grudges. For instance, I have a longstanding grudge with a really big telecom company that I pay monthly. I’m just waiting for the day someone else can convince me that their mobile network is “just as good” and…BAM!!! … I’ll be gone.

2. Use Humans In Advertising, and Advertise Human Benefits

I really miss Frank Perdue. This guy had been selling chicken in TV commercials for 20 years before I first saw one of his ads in 1991.

My mother (who has a penchant for ridiculously candid observations) once remarked that, “he looks like his chickens”.

From this NY Times article, it turns out some people believe his ads were successful for that very reason.

In any case, because people like people (even though they hate companies), they bought billions of dollars worth of chickens from a man who was obsessed with the opinions of his human customers about his chickens.

And just because I think that every business owner could learn a thing or two about “Human communication” from Frank Perdue, I’ve taken the liberty to share this mini-gallery of “Frank Perdue Ads. (Warning: May not be suitable viewing if you are religiously or philosophically opposed to the eating of meat or meat products)

A more recent example of excellent use of humans in marketing is the recent “Bags Fly Free Ad campaign” from Southwest (again).

Why don’t other companies make stars of their ground crews like Southwest Airlines did with their “Bags Fly Free” Campaign? I mean these tough guys demonstrated their love for OUR BAGS in no uncertain terms in that series of marketing ads.

Yes, they were “tongue-in-cheek” but they were driving home some actual benefit-oriented points of differentiation between Southwest airlines and other airlines.

One of the most common mistakes companies make when they use humans in their advertising is “human advertising for advertising sake”… Humans in your ads cannot just be about personality or emotion marketing – there must be a customer benefit-based logic to your advertisements.

3. Act Human When They Finally Come To You

Okay so you’ve spent thousands of dollars in your advertising (millions if you’re particularly unlucky).

And you’ve finally gotten the humans to get over their aversion and to visit your location, or call you about your services.

Here’s where so many businesses drop the ball…again.

They forget to act human.

Actually, forget “acting human”…sometimes businesses are just downright inhumane.

Here’s a brief Mini-guide on the proper care and feeding of human customers:

1. As a business owner or manager, it is within your power to make sure that employee performance reviews include customer service metrics for all human-facing employees.

2. Expecting a uniform standard of customer care from your employees without a uniformly standardized and continuous training program is unrealistic.

Don’t assume your employees will automatically act human just because you assume they’re human (Didn’t you watch “Men In Black”?)

3. Humans like it when you earnestly ask their opinion of the service you allegedly provided them. They also expect that you will make a reasonable attempt to please them if they’re not completely satisfied. My suggestion is that you leverage every point of “expressed dissatisfaction’’ by going well beyond what they expect from you in resolving their complaints.

4. Right from the when they are babies, humans expect to be the center of attention. When in doubt, even though they hate companies, they will flock to those companies that show them attention and listen continuously to their needs. Yeah, humans… they’re complicated like that.